Tuesday, August 23, 2011

I'm A Slacker With The Attention Span Of A -- Oooh, Shiny. . .

Yesterday I outlined three things I had to do. Three very easy, not hard, quite simple things to do. Guess how many of them I got done. Go ahead, guess. Well, you're wrong! I got exactly one half thing done.

First thing was to have the Display Thingy ready for the trim framing. So I hauled the chicken wire from under my bed and took it outside. Wait, what? You don't have a bail of chicken wire underneath your bed? I thought everybody had rolls of the stuff all over the place. You probably don't have the chicken wire because you never made a lamp. A lamp like this one:

Now go on and make a lamp and you, too, can have chicken wire under your bed. Also built with the chicken wire-- a compost pile holder-upper.

After I hauled the chicken wire outside, I spent about an hour searching for my staple gun and the staples that go in it. I wish I were exaggerating. An hour of cursing and kicking totally innocent storage bins prove productive. I had everything I needed to get cracking on the Display Thingy. I even had work gloves on. I unroll the chicken wire to cut it to size and see that I did not take wire evenly from the roll. There are big chunks missing in inopportune places. But I was not gonna stop now! I affixed the wire. Here, take a look:

Yeah, that's not gonna work. I'll have to remove that and start over with new wire.

Also on my to-do list was to take pictures of a few of my finished products. I was already outside, why couldn't I take pictures of jewelry while I was out there? Truth is, I don't know why I couldn't. The dew hadn't finished drying off yet and my garden was looking so pretty and, well, this isn't jewelry but it sure is a pretty picture I took:

As I ran around outside taking pictures of not jewelry, it suddenly occurred to me that there was something I had to do that was not on my to-do list. A very important thing. Certify my unemployment. Yeah, that's not a good thing to forget to do. You know what else isn't a good thing to forget to do? The dinner dishes.

Lemme 'splain. I didn't cook dinner night before last. My lovely and talented husband did. Whenever someone besides me cooks dinner, you better believe the dishes will NOT get done. Because that's how my family rolls. Now here it was, way past mid-day, and I had a pile of dirty dinner dishes in the sink that had to be taken care of. And while I was there in the kitchen, I might as well clean the counters and the stove top. And sweep. Hell, spread a drop of Pine Sol on the floor, then mop it up. For the shine. All that work for about an hour of clean kitchen because one is never, ever finished cleaning the kitchen.

The kitchen looked and smelled lovely, unlike me. It was hot and humid and I, well, I stunk. What I needed was a nice, relaxing soak in the tub. What's this that came in the mail? A book about jewelry? Not only about jewelry but specifically about earrings. Not actually about earrings as much as it is a book of pictures of earrings. The name of this book: 500 Earrings. The perfect book to take with you on a long soak.

Ahhh. All clean, kitchen's done, pictures of flowers taken, Display Thingy chicken wired but needs to be unchicken-wired. What's left? Oh crap! The post office! What time is it? 4:10! I wasted the whole damn day and now it's too late to go to the post office. Most people standing in their underwear would see that they have 50 minutes to walk 3 quarters of a mile and say, "Sure, no problem." Most people aren't old, fat, out-of-shape, no ACL-having, slow movers like me. I could have made it to the post office on time but there was an equal chance that I'd rush all the way there and it would be closed. Then I'd have to kill myself and everyone around me. Nobody wants that.

So, there you have it. A short, three item to-do list of which I got one half thing done.

1 comment:

  1. LMFAO!!!! OMG, this is hysterical...a day in the life of all women!!!! Same thing happened to me today at work.. I had ten million things to do, I completed absolutely nothing! So as far as I'm concerned your ahead of the game with your 1/2 thingy!